"Tough times don't last but tough people do." - A.C. Green

I am tough... probably the toughest person I know.

2010 started out wonderful. I got a roommate whom I love, a new single best friend, a fun and friendly ward, exciting job, etc. Things had been going really well and I felt like my life was finally being put back in order. I finally started to feel like I was “over” my divorce and back into the fun and single life.

Then I got a bomb dropped on me.

I found out that Tyler committed suicide a few weeks ago. I couldn’t believe it. I was devastated. It just sounds so unlike the Tyler I knew and loved. During the last year of our marriage, Tyler struggled with depression and feelings of inadequacy. I hadn’t had much contact with him the past eight months. Neither his family nor I knew how bad it really was. It just breaks my heart to think that he ended up in a place like this. I could go on and on speculating and asking questions that I will never know the answers to. Instead, I will do as my dear friend Allyson said, and “remember the good times”.

Tyler was the most thoughtful person I know. Everything he did, he did for others. I don’t think he did a single selfish thing. He even left me because he thought I would be happier without him. He genuinely cared about everyone around him and wanted everyone to be happy.

Tyler made me laugh. All the time.

Tyler loved me so much, and from what I heard, never stopped loving me.

Tyler had big dreams. He wanted to go to law school. He interned in Boise and love working with the people and dealing with agricultural rights. He was a hard worker and had great potential in this life.

Tyler was so smart. There were so many times I talked with him and would have to look up meanings of the words he used.

Tyler tried so hard to do the right things. I know he had a sickness, but he tried so hard to overcome the adversary.


A friend sent me a card with this wonderful quote:


I love how simple, yet powerful it is. This has been an extremely difficult time for me, but I am getting through it and moving forward. I have learned from this experience that things aren’t always as they seem. You never know what is going on with someone. You never know what burdens they carry. We really have no right to judge anyone or think negatively of them. I need to make more efforts to help those around me. I need to find the positive in everyone and every situation. I am learning how to be more compassionate towards others. I know I will continue to learn more as I move towards becoming a beautiful butterfly.

I hate you Phil.

And the Gratitude starts... NOW.

:)

Gratitude

On Sunday we had a “Stake Special Conference”. Elder Chambers from the Seventy (I think) came to speak to us. He gave a simple, but profound talk on Gratitude. He shared a study that was done on people who were grateful vs. those who weren’t. The study showed those who were grateful and showed gratitude daily, were happier, healthier, worked out more, ate better, were nicer, etc. All these wonderful, amazing things, simply by being grateful! I figured it can’t hurt to try. So I bought myself this little pink “Gratitude Book”:


I’m going to write something I am grateful for every night. Some nights may be pages long, others may be one word. Hopefully it will help me be happier and more appreciative of my “not-really-so-horrible” life!

So much for a two year food supply. As long as the end of the world doesn’t come while I’m still in this tiny apartment, I think I’ll be okay. Besides, that’s what parents are for, right??

Wonderful Wednesdays!

I love Wednesdays for three main reasons:

1. I have PE, so wonderful Miss Anderson takes my class for a good 45 minutes!
2. I go to lunch with said PE teacher. Bambinos! Yum!
3. I have no graduate class. Although I have plenty of work I should be doing.
3 ½. A special reason why today was so wonderful: A boy in my class gave me this picture of himself today:


He told me he loved me and wanted me to have this keychain picture. It was so sweet. He has been one of my hardest to work with, but is turning out to be the sweetest little boy. I just love him!

It is a great thing I have Wonderful Wednesdays in order to recover from Terrible Tuesdays. (Great alliterations, right??) On Tuesdays I have nothing special at school. I have a graduate class in Pocatello (about an hour and a half drive) from 6:00 – 9:00. And yesterday was especially terrible when an “all high and mighty” someone wearing a badge, thought it was necessary and appropriate to yell and swear at me while driving when I was doing NOTHING WRONG! Seriously, there is no reason to treat people like that.

The end.

Awesome

My mom always gets after me when I don’t have the most positive of posts, so I figured I would add something a little more uplifting.

I had the best weekend with this family.

Blaine, Michelle and sweet Baby Max.

What made this weekend so awesome blossom... extra awesome?

-I watched Pride & Prejudice and all three Pirates of the Caribbean movies for the first time. I loved them all! Even though a two hour movie takes about five hours with a baby, it was still awesome.

-We enjoyed pizza (thin crust mom, don’t worry), compliments of the PTO (thanks!)

-Played with Baby Max and listened to his sweet laugh!

-Forgot about work and school drama for a good 48 hours!

I hope your weekend was as awesome blossom as mine!

hi

I’m Janae. I look angry. But when I took this picture, I assure you, I was happy. I’m just not allowed to smile. Why? Because I am Canadian, and the Canadian government won’t let you smile. They also make you tuck your hair behind your ears, which makes me very uncomfortable.

How do I feel now? I am frustrated, overwhelmed, and anxious. I am so frustrated by the amount of tattling and cattiness that goes on at my place of employment. Surprisingly, I don’t mean the little ones I teach. It is driving me crazy and making these last 5 months feel like an eternity. I am completely overwhelmed with all I have to accomplish in these last 5 months. I have three courses to complete (Multicultural Views of Literacy, Research and Writing, and Canadian Studies), a thesis to write, a comprehensive exam to ace, a job in Alberta to find, and 5 more months of being “super teacher”. I am incredibly anxious to get out of here. My parents are passing through on their way to Arizona this weekend, so I’ll get to spend a whopping 10 hours with them. I just can’t wait until I can see my family on a more regular basis. How much I long for Sunday dinners at my parents! And wouldn’t you love to spend your days with these two little girlies?


I know I do.